Easier to Run
by Vampire of the Light
Summary: Ren's PoV on his past and his feelings for a certain Ainu baka.


Vampire of the Light: I don't own Shaman King or the lyrics to Easier to Run.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this here all alone  
  
I just stand there, making fun of HoroHoro, like always. I don't know why but, it's something about him that makes me want to curl up into a hole. He always has some stupid look on his face. Looks that make my heart beat faster. I can't let anyone know, I have to stop feeling these feelings of that Ainu baka.  
  
Something has been taken From deep inside of me A secret I've kept locked away.  
  
Now I'm alone, again. Just great. I sit on the couch not knowing what else to do. My heart's aching for some reason. It's because of my past. I've always been alone.  
  
No one can ever see Wounds so deep they never show They never go away  
  
Not caring who sees me like this, I pull my knees to my chin and rest my head there. I wrap my arms around my legs. If anyone sees me this vunerable, they'll laugh, but I really don't care. My heart's aching.  
  
Like moving pictures in my head For years and years they've played.  
  
So many painful memories flash about in my mind. Some people believe it's okay to cry, others think men shouldn't cry. I don't know who to believe.  
  
"It's oky to cry when you have to, Ren," someone says softly.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone.  
  
HoroHoro's standing there in the doorway. He walks over and sits next to me on the couch. I don't listen to what he says, I'm too busy trying not to cry. He put his hand on my head.  
  
"Are you okay? I've never seen you like this," he says.  
  
If I could change I would Take back the pain I would  
  
I just shrug. I do know what's wrong. I can't let go of my past and I'm in love with the guy next to me. I just want to curl up in a hole and die right now. If only HoroHoro would leave me alone, I could put myself out of my misery.  
  
Retrace every wrong mover that I made I would If I could  
  
"There's something wrong if you look so upset, confused, and vunerable. It's making me worry Ren," HoroHoro says putting his arm around my shoulders.  
  
I look up at him. Don't cry, don't cry, whatever you do, Ren, I tell myself.  
  
"It's okay to cry if that'll make you feel better, Ren," HoroHoro says, "You can always come to me if you have a problem."  
  
Stand up and take the blame I would If I could take all to the grave I would  
  
"Really?" I ask, not believing him.  
  
"Really," He says ruffling my bangs.  
  
Not knowing what I'm doing, I throw myself at HoroHoro. He holds me in his arms as I cry my heart out.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
I bury my face in his shirt. He pulls me into his lap and gently rocks me back and forth. He rubs my back and whispers comforting things in my ear. I'm clinging onto him now like a lifeline.  
  
"Oh Ren," he whispers softly holding me close.  
  
Sometimes I remember The darkness of my past  
  
"Life sucks," I sob into his chest.  
  
"Why do you think that?" HoroHoro asks, he's no longer rubbing my back, he's stroking my hair, it's still comforting though.  
  
"Too much pain, hatred, anger," I sob.  
  
"What do you want to do about it?" he asks.  
  
"I want to die!!"  
  
HoroHoro gasps and withdraws. He holds me by my shoulders.  
  
Bring back these memories I wish I didn't have Sometime I think of letting go And never looking back  
  
"No," HoroHoro says sternly looking me in the eye, "I know you've had a rough past, actually a really bad past, but you have to put that behing you. There are too many people that care about you."  
  
"Including you?" I don't know why that came out my mouth.  
  
HoroHoro smiles softly and places his hand on my cheek.  
  
"Especially me," he says, his face is so close to mine, his nose is touching mine.  
  
And never moving forward so There would never be a past.  
  
"You have to move forward, everyone has a past, good or bad, and you can't live in the past," HoroHoro says.  
  
His nose is touching mine. The only time we get this close, is when we argue. His lips look so kissable. So I tilt my head and I kiss him, with all the love for him I have in my heart. I don't care what he thinks at this moment, I really don't. I pull away, ashamed. He looks surprised as I get up and run out the door, outside into the rain and darkness. I only stop when I hear someone call my name, but I start running again any way.  
  
Just washing it aside All of the helplessness inside Pretending I don't feel misplaced It's so much simpler than change.  
  
I return after a few hours. HoroHoro's waiting for me by the door. I start up the steps before his question stops me.  
  
"Why'd you kiss me?"  
  
I stop on the step and take a deep breath before looking at the Ainu shaman. He seems so confused.  
  
"Because," I stutter, my vision's starting to blur, "I love you." I run up the steps and to my room. Slamming the door, I throw myself on the futon and cry my heart out in sorrow.  
  
Sometimes it's just easier to run from everything, I guess.  
  
It's easier to run Replacing this pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Then face all this pain here all alone.  
  
Vampire of the Light: Don't worry folks, I'll make a sequel if I get at least...20 reviews. (the most I've every gotten is 14, so can you blame me?) If you want to find out what happens between Ren and HoroHoro.REVIEW!!!!! 


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